I'm really into asian looking animals
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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