AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
