Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
