i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
