Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
