i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
