I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
