never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
