The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
