Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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