So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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