you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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