only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
