Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
