wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
