Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize