bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
