why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
