i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she peed on how many people?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
