I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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