Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You left your phone here
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