I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
