i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
