Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize