I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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