Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
