I think my vagina is haunted
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
