I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
