Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
