I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
organizing the empties. That sober.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize