You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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