yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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