I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
