Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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