Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
