I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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