So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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