i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
