just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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