Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
