He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
