You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
