Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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