Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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