What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
