ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
