i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
