we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
50% drunk capacity currently
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am one with the molecules
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
