Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
