Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
