Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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