i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize