Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
