Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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