i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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