She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
