omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
