Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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