a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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