i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
