Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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