If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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