You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize