My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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