: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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