just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize