Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
