did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
