Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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