Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
