i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
