He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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