no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
