Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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