im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
