We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
