Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
