I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
