OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
