So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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