The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
