thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
