I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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