my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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