just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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