I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
birth control should be required to get into college
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize