We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
