You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
