Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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