The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize