Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
