I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to calm my uterus...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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