It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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