My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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