i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
