Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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