Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
