i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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