I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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