Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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