gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
