someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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