I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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