Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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