she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dignity is for republicans.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
