the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
