JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
