i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize