Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
