Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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